Skip to main content

How to go No Contact with Abusive Parents




How did I go no contact with my narcissistic parents?

I had somewhat of a breakdown once my beloved Abuela passed away. She was like a mother to me and sometimes during a depressive episode I feel she was the only person that truly loved me.

Once I had come to terms with my grief (I don't think we are ever truly over the death of a loved one, but we’re able to go through life acknowledging the pain rather than living in it) I started to rebuild my life. What did I want for this new phase? Who did I want by my side?

My then-boyfriend now-husband and I had moved in together and as our love grew I realised that this is more of what I needed. Love without strings, love without conditions, love without fear.


I was introduced to the concept of going No Contact through the subreddit r/raisedbynarcissists. Going No Contact, to me, is deciding that if you wouldn't keep a friend that treated you like this in your life then why would you keep your parents? If a friend spoke to me the way they did, tore into my self-esteem, critiqued me, beat me, tricked and manipulated me I wouldn't put up with it. So why do I from the people that are meant to protect me? So I decided I was done.

I remember sitting there just baffled. I could just stop talking to them? I could just no longer have them in my life? Any mistakes I made wouldn’t be  It was such a simple, yet mind blowing concept. Why hadn't I thought of it before?
overblown into apocalyptic proportions. Any decision I made wouldn’t cause what felt like a World War.


My Abuela passed away in September. The week before Christmas the same year I took a generic NC letter from the internet (because I didn’t owe them an explanation) printed it and mailed it to my parents address. They tried calling my mobile a few times and naturally I didn't answer. Their pride meant they didn't leave a voicemail and thankfully they didn't have my new address.


I've been NC about four or five years now and I have to say my anxiety and depression has definitely shifted. I still have it, obviously, but it's about different things now. I'm not scared about constantly being yelled at or forced into situations where my ability to act like 'the perfect daughter' was all they really wanted me there for. I can worry about...more personal things. Things that actually matter to me since I'm no longer trying to play a role to fit into someone else's version of me.  

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Get Out of a Rut

Finding yourself in  a  rut can be frustrating. Being in a rut can be due to depression, boredom or a recent setback that has left you feeling like there are no options to move forward. When this happens it can feel like an effort just to get yourself dressed each day. I know, I've been there. What is a rut? A rut is a mental state where you feel emotionally and mentally drained, so everything feels like it takes ten times more effort. When every task feels like a mountain you stop trying. It's at these times that I feel self sabotage kicks in. I stop taking care of myself because that feels like the only thing I can control. Once the feeling of the rut passes all I'm left with is oily skin, a few extra kilograms and annoyance that I spent my time binging Netflix shows I've already seen (hello, Gossip Girl and Glee). Weekends that I could have spent creating, exercising, socialising - are completely wasted. When I head back into work on Monday I fee...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why do People Stay With Abusive Parents?

The sad thing about abuse is it's all about training an individual to believe that without their abuser they're nothing. Abuse teaches the victim that they'll fail without the abusers hand guiding them through every situation. Although I was extremely depressed, always anxious and the most miserable I had been in my life, here are the reasons I stayed with my parents for as long as I did: The world is a bad place My parents lived by the mantra that everyone that isn't our family is out to get you. This, compounded by the fact that my mother would say one thing, but mean another, meant I felt I could never understand people. I couldn't protect myself in a situation and this of course made me even more scared of people. It got a point that even our extended family was conniving and not to be trusted. Isolation is a common and effect tactic in abusive relationships. I am the worst person that has ever lived My mother would take the smallest thing and turn ...
2 comments
Read more