Skip to main content

How to Overcome a Fear of Confrontation



When something nice or beautiful happens I always have the same thought: life is a funny thing. In these moments I feel so connected to everything in the universe and am so grateful to all the moving parts that had to come together to give me this exact moment. Usually these moments happen when I'm surrounded by friends, family or when I'm taking a solo walk through nature.

On the other hand, sometimes I feel like the universe is conspiring against me. I feel as if no matter what I do or say nothing is going to work out for me. There is nothing outside of the pain and anxiety I feel in that moment.

These may seem like two extremes, maybe they're only my extremes, I don't know, but I know a time when my anxiety shoots through the roof. 

When I’m trying to express myself

There is something about asking people for anything, especially to spend time with me, that makes me super uncomfortable. As a child of abuse you learn that your wants/needs/emotions/thoughts are invalid. And if that's true then I am essentially worthless. It's probably not something you say to yourself, but give it some thought - is it something that motivates your actions? Do you avoid direct interactions? Do you not like to open up? Do you avoid the possibility of confrontation because then you would have to not only explain your thoughts but you may even **gasp** have to defend them? I'm so very guilty of the latter. I can see it drive the people in my life wild. I back down from any conversation as soon as it even seems like it might get heated. I admit defeat, I withdraw, I throw up the walls and retreat.



How can you change? 

Start small. My goal for this month and every month moving forward is to express how I feel. Now I'm not telling you to go out and yell fuck the world and start telling people every negative thing you've ever thought about them. I'm starting small, maybe you can too. I'm going to tell my husband every single time I feel cold. Let me explain, I am usually always cold while my husband is always running warm. When we are in the car or sitting in the living room watching TV he'll turn the air con on and then he is in this state of bliss...until he sees me sitting there shivering with goose bumps. As I type this I feel insane, but it just never occurs to me to tell him I'm cold. It's not that I don't want to be comfortable, I just don't value my discomfort over his. As I type this I realise that it doesn't have to be one or the other - my discomfort or his. One of us doesn't have to lose and if I truly think in this winning and losing dichotomy why am I okay with me always losing? Do you feel like this? Do you want to change it? Then speak up. Express yourself. Give your opinion. You are valid and the things you think and feel are valid. Stop hiding from life and speak up!

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why do People Stay With Abusive Parents?

The sad thing about abuse is it's all about training an individual to believe that without their abuser they're nothing. Abuse teaches the victim that they'll fail without the abusers hand guiding them through every situation. Although I was extremely depressed, always anxious and the most miserable I had been in my life, here are the reasons I stayed with my parents for as long as I did: The world is a bad place My parents lived by the mantra that everyone that isn't our family is out to get you. This, compounded by the fact that my mother would say one thing, but mean another, meant I felt I could never understand people. I couldn't protect myself in a situation and this of course made me even more scared of people. It got a point that even our extended family was conniving and not to be trusted. Isolation is a common and effect tactic in abusive relationships. I am the worst person that has ever lived My mother would take the smallest thing and turn ...
2 comments
Read more

The Beginnings of my Soul Journey

So you're probably wondering how I went from a ball of anxiety to optimism and sunshine. Well it's a bit of an underwhelming story. I was working for a company that, try as it might, was trying to change the company culture. They hired a company culture alignment specialist (Phil Alison: https://www.corporate-edge.com.au/staff/phil-allison/) and for three hours he spoke and we listened. He explained that a company was only strong if each individual staff member was working towards the same goal, regardless of their departmental goals. He spoke about how one disgruntled member of staff, a red dot as he called it, could bring down a company. This was all pretty cool stuff in terms of my work mindset. My department, as was most in the company, was pretty disillusioned. We ran on auto pilot and it didn't matter if things were done well, just as long as they were done. He then moved onto personal development, a field I had never really ventured into. The thing...
Post a Comment
Read more

Retrain My Brain With YouTube - A Six Part Series - Day Two

I've set a goal. It's not a big goal or particularly difficult, but I have a habit of quitting what I try to start so I thought if I wrote it all down I would push through. If you haven't read Day One of this series click here ! I listen to a lot of positivity and self-motivational videos, talks and podcasts, but this video hit hard to home. I like to believe everyone is on a journey and I'm at this point in mine where I believe, like truly believe, I deserve happiness and success. I deserve to work hard at something and actually complete it. I deserve to not abandon a project once it starts going well because I'm afraid of success or don't feel I'm worthy of success. So I made a commitment sitting on the floor of my office meditation/prayer room: I would listen to this video every day for 6 more days. I wanted to see if it would penetrate my consciousness and if the messages would ingrain themselves in my mind. I'll post my updates and...
Post a Comment
Read more