Overcoming Anxiety by Writing out Fears

Fear. Everyone deals with it. Fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of a stranger  situation that just doesn't feel right. Fear is a natural reaction and it's there to ultimately keep us alert to danger. However, when fear moves from a safety response and becomes a everyday occurrence fear can become debilitating.

Fear of their reaction, fear of the consequences, fear of that you'll get it wrong or make an irreversible mistake (the chances of you doing that, by the way, are so very slim). When we let these fears stop us from living our lives we call it anxiety. Anxiety keeps you from making that decision, wearing that outfit or chasing that dream. Social anxiety keeps you from spending time with loved ones and friends because you might embarrass yourself. It also stops you from speaking up in that meeting or advocating for yourself. When anxiety keeps you from doing the things you want to do the world is a pretty limiting place.

Society anxiety used to grip me every morning before work. I sat in a team of four and the other three in my group were more experienced in what we did and just life in general. They were older, well traveled and no matter what I said I felt like my opinions were small minded. It made me feel like crap. Eventually I just stopped trying to connect with them. I felt it was easier than constantly feeling embarrassed and small. In my eyes I was the problem. I kept on messing up, I kept on not saying the right things

When we let our fears and anxiety rule our lives there is no way we're living our best life. You can't move towards goals by not doing something different and out of your comfort zone. Tim Ferriss sums this up amazingly in his TED Talk Writing out Your Fears Instead of Your Goals.

Ferriss goes into detail about the breaking point he reached in his life when his fears controlled him. Consumed him. Through this pain he discovered a very simple, but highly effect stoic technique: the Premeditation of Evils.

The Premeditation of Evils - the process of visualising the worst case scenarios, plan for them and start moving forward.

Let's break it down. Be sure to download my work sheet to follow along with the steps below!

Step 1: pinpoint your fear

What are you not allowing yourself to do out of fear?

For example:

• Asking someone out on a date
• Speaking up at work or in social situations
• Leaving your company for a vacation
• Writing a book
• Getting a puppy
• Breaking up with your partner
• Finally going to the gym

Step 2: define worst case scenarios

What is the worst that could happen if you try to move towards your goal?

For example:

• They say no and you're humiliated
• You say something awkward and you're humiliated
• You miss important deadlines which causes you to be further away from your KIPs
• The book is terrible and you realise you're a bad writer
• The puppy trashes your home
• You're isolated and sad
• People will make fun of you for being so unfit

Step 3: prevent the worst case scenario

What is within my power to prevent these worst case scenarios from happening?

For example:

• You don't place too much pressure on yourself for this to go correctly.
• You spend more time finding people to spend time with that you're comfortable with and build your confidence so that when you speak up you aren't doing it for approval.
• You go through your calendar and figure out when things are due and if you need another person to help ensure your work doesn't suffer why you're away. You could give one person your mobile number so that in the event of a catastrophic issue you're contactable.
• You take a masterclass in writing or a few short courses to give you a basic understanding novel writing.
• You buy a sturdy playpen for them to stay in when they're indoors and enrol them in puppy school as soon as they're old enough to go.
• You organise your life so that you remember who you were before this relationship. You retake up hobbies, connect with old friends and explore what made you you.
• You go to the gym at times that it's less populated so you don't feel so self conscious.

Step 4: repairing the damage

If the worst were to occur how would I repair the damage or who would I ask for help?

For example:

• They say no, you feel horrible, but you've got a list of your best self care activities to pick yourself back up again. You have friends and family available to take your mind off his set back.
• You could speak to your manager/ supervisor/ a colleague about how to make up the missed deadline or KPI. Perhaps it can be added onto your next KPI?
• You start again using the feedback you gained from your terrible first attempt and tackle the book again. You reach out to academics or authors and ask them for advice on the things your book was lacking.
• You replace the things. They are just things after all. You save up money and take your dog back to classes or you hire a dog behaviourist to come to your home and sort out the kinks with your for legged friend.
• You remember that it takes people on average seven times to leave a bad relationship. Pin point the reason you've stayed (for example: financial reliance or emotional blackmail) and work towards sorting that out. Reach out to friends and family and be honest about your situation and feelings. You don't have to be strong all on your own about this.
• You accept that some people are complete assholes but you stay the course. You hire a personal trainer, download a fitness app or print off a page of exercises to do.

Once you've got all your fears, prevention tactics and methods of repair on a page you need to determine if attempting to achieve your goal is worth it. Are you willing to go through all the things you've written down to achieve even a partial success?

I'd love to know if you found my worksheet useful. Let me know down in the comments or upload a shot of your sheet to Instagram and tag @breathe.syd .