How to Deal with Social Anxiety

A few months ago I decided to step outside of my comfort zone and invite my work friends and my best friend out for a weekend lunch. As someone that used to have crippling social anxiety this was a big step for me.

What is Social Anxiety?

Social Anxiety can make you feel like interacting with people is this intricate puzzle that you can never solve and results in your own embarrassment. It's this longing to be the person that can glide from conversation to conversation, but never having the right thing to say. As the anxiety builds you feel like every action you take makes you look, and therefore feel, awkward. It's a pretty isolating cycle.

The Mayo Clinic details the symptoms of social anxiety as: excessive fear of situations in which one may be judged, worry about embarrassment or humiliation or concern about offending someone.

The Healing Power of Connection

You'll hear me say this a lot on this blog, but the way I dealt with my anxieties was to face them head on. Building up trust with people is something I, and most children of abusive parents, struggle with. This lack of trust results in me second guessing peoples intentions and responses. You can't be fully present in a conversation if you're also deeply analysing the person you're conversing with.

Once I addressed my hang ups I decided to reach out. I've been doing this over time with family, old friends, new friends and now work friends. Work friends always felt like the final frontier because as a teen and a person in my early 20s I felt like I struggled to connect to my work peers. They always seemed so much more assure of themselves and I couldn't keep up.

The more people I am able to connect to, the more comfortable I feel with myself. The more real friendships I make the more I believe that I'm worthy of other peoples time and affection. At the end of the day that's where my anxiety stems from: this belief that I am not enough.

I want to make a big side note here that some people are just plain rude and are judging you. If someone is actively trying to make fun of you or make you feel uncomfortable then remember that it has nothing to do with you. You could be a champion conversationalist that's living your best life and you would still walk away from a conversation with them feeling like a fool. Don't give your energy to these toxic people.

Do you suffer from social anxiety? Leave me a comment below or connect with me on Instgram @breathe.syd .

Comments

How to Get Out of a Rut

Finding yourself in a rut can be frustrating. Being in a rut can be due to depression, boredom or a recent setback that has left you feeling like there are no options to move forward. When this happens it can feel like an effort just to get yourself dressed each day. I know, I've been there. What is a rut? A rut is a mental state where you feel emotionally and mentally drained, so everything feels like it takes ten times more effort. When every task feels like a mountain you stop trying. It's at these times that I feel self sabotage kicks in. I stop taking care of myself because that feels like the only thing I can control. Once the feeling of the rut passes all I'm left with is oily skin, a few extra kilograms and annoyance that I spent my time binging Netflix shows I've already seen (hello, Gossip Girl and Glee). Weekends that I could have spent creating, exercising, socialising - are completely wasted. When I head back into work on Monday I fee...

How to go No Contact with Abusive Parents

How did I go no contact with my narcissistic parents? I had somewhat of a breakdown once my beloved Abuela passed away. She was like a mother to me and sometimes during a depressive episode I feel she was the only person that truly loved me. Once I had come to terms with my grief (I don't think we are ever truly over the death of a loved one, but we’re able to go through life acknowledging the pain rather than living in it) I started to rebuild my life. What did I want for this new phase? Who did I want by my side? My then-boyfriend now-husband and I had moved in together and as our love grew I realised that this is more of what I needed. Love without strings, love without conditions, love without fear. I was introduced to the concept of going No Contact through the subreddit r/raisedbynarcissists . Going No Contact, to me, is deciding that if you wouldn't keep a friend that treated you like this in your life then why would you keep your parents? If ...

Why do People Stay With Abusive Parents?

The sad thing about abuse is it's all about training an individual to believe that without their abuser they're nothing. Abuse teaches the victim that they'll fail without the abusers hand guiding them through every situation. Although I was extremely depressed, always anxious and the most miserable I had been in my life, here are the reasons I stayed with my parents for as long as I did: The world is a bad place My parents lived by the mantra that everyone that isn't our family is out to get you. This, compounded by the fact that my mother would say one thing, but mean another, meant I felt I could never understand people. I couldn't protect myself in a situation and this of course made me even more scared of people. It got a point that even our extended family was conniving and not to be trusted. Isolation is a common and effect tactic in abusive relationships. I am the worst person that has ever lived My mother would take the smallest thing and turn ...

breathe.

Search This Blog