breathe.

Anxiety is a weird state to explain to someone that has never experienced it. I recently had a friend over and we were discussing the worst year of their life. Their anxiety completely took over their life and prevented them from doing even the most basic of tasks. I nodded as I've also had my fair share of anxiety, although my diagnosis was that it was low. So while my anxiety isn't crippling, when it takes hold it's hard to break free. Anxiety flare ups I call them anxiety flare ups because that's what it feels like to me. Like my mind starts spinning gears and before I know it my heart is pounding and my stomach is in knots. While depression is regret of the past, anxiety is a fear of the future. It's worrying about the unknown and the outcomes of our actions. For me, my anxiety strikes at night. When I wake up at 2am and lie there trying to count backwards from 300 to fall asleep. It's in this moment that my anxiety reminds me that I do...

A lot of the time when I speak to people in abusive situations the main reason they don't leave is they believe they can't take care of themselves without the guidance of the abuser. As I've mentioned before the main goal of abuse is to convince an individual that they are weak and lucky that the abuser is able to put up with them. Whether you're with an abusive partner or living with toxic parents here are three things you can do to work towards your independence: GROCERY SHOPPING Being able to keep myself fed was a major fear of mine when I decided to live alone. How much of anything did I need? How much did groceries cost? What would I even cook? All of these questions can be answered by meal prepping. Meal prep is when you figure out what food you're going to eat for a period of time and then make it ahead of time. Step 1: Find a recipe or two that you would like to make. Step 2: Calculate how much of each ingredient you'...

Finding yourself in  a  rut can be frustrating. Being in a rut can be due to depression, boredom or a recent setback that has left you feeling like there are no options to move forward. When this happens it can feel like an effort just to get yourself dressed each day. I know, I've been there. What is a rut? A rut is a mental state where you feel emotionally and mentally drained, so everything feels like it takes ten times more effort. When every task feels like a mountain you stop trying. It's at these times that I feel self sabotage kicks in. I stop taking care of myself because that feels like the only thing I can control. Once the feeling of the rut passes all I'm left with is oily skin, a few extra kilograms and annoyance that I spent my time binging Netflix shows I've already seen (hello, Gossip Girl and Glee). Weekends that I could have spent creating, exercising, socialising - are completely wasted. When I head back into work on Monday I fee...

I am a master goal setter. I can tell you all the different ways I want to improve, change, grow and achieve. However...I'm not the best completer. When I'm starting to lose weight, I compulsively eat. When I start getting further in my couch25K app then I have ever before, I stop. When I do these things I tell myself it's because I've been so good. I tell myself I deserve a break. A break turns into a week. Before I know it it's new years eve and I'm making a new Pinterest board with my hopes and dreams of who I'll be in the upcoming year. If I were honest with myself (and believe me I'm starting to try) I would admit that I give up on these things because deep down I don't see myself as anything but a fat slob. I'm no athlete. I'm a soft, round, Netflix and Chill, down another Pepsi Max kind of girl. What this boils down to is: I don't achieve things. I always quit. I'm a failure. This may seem extreme, but you...

Ever since I was a child I have kept a journal. Writing in it isn’t a nightly ritual, more like an escape when the world gets too much. As I’ve gotten older I’ve found that because this was the only time that I wrote down my thoughts I would pour all my anger and frustration out onto a page and just be left with this book dripping in toxicity. So I decided to change and turn my book into a source of hope, happiness and a reminder of all the good days. For a month I turned my journal into a gratitude journal. Every night before bed I would write out at least three things that happened that day. It could be anything, as long as it made me smiled. Some examples include: Making my husband laugh My cat Johnson winking at me (this is especially funny because I know he is doing it involuntarily) Taking a walk at lunch through the park The cats getting along on the balcony while getting some sun Getting a WhatsApp message from a distant friend My lunch looking cute in my ...

  If your parents were anything like mine you were shown nothing, but expected to execute everything perfectly. Handling money was one of those things that I was constantly reprimanded about, but never even shown how to do. After eliminating some debt and a dive down the Barefoot Investor rabbit hole I'm here to tell you how I get my finances in order. In a recent Rachel Hollis podcast she did a mid year check in . The idea has really stuck with me. Am I where I wanted to be? Are you? How are those new year’s resolutions going? Don't worry we've all still got six months! Imagine everything you could achieve in six months! Here's what you want to do: 1. Hop online to your online bank portal. 2. Get your bank statements from January to now. If your bank doesn't do statements for that time period you can export your transactions list. 3. Download and print your statement/transactions. I like to print them because it really makes me pay attention to wh...

When something nice or beautiful happens I always have the same thought: life is a funny thing. In these moments I feel so connected to everything in the universe and am so grateful to all the moving parts that had to come together to give me this exact moment. Usually these moments happen when I'm surrounded by friends, family or when I'm taking a solo walk through nature. On the other hand, sometimes I feel like the universe is conspiring against me. I feel as if no matter what I do or say nothing is going to work out for me. There is nothing outside of the pain and anxiety I feel in that moment. These may seem like two extremes, maybe they're only my extremes, I don't know, but I know a time when my anxiety shoots through the roof.  When I’m trying to express myself There is something about asking people for anything, especially to spend time with me, that makes me super uncomfortable. As a child of abuse you learn that your wants/needs/emotio...