breathe.

So you've set your goals and your motivation is high. You've got all this momentum and are knocking things off your list. Then...you miss a day. Maybe you go out to dinner with a friend or you completely forget to do that thing you thought was so important. Soon a few days (weeks) go past and you're off the rails and everything is in shambles. Soon you're questioning if this goal is worth it. If, like me, this causes you to abandon your goals as quickly as you set them then let's work towards a reset. If you follow me on Instagram you may have seen my Sunday Resets. Each yearly milestone (a change in season, new month or birthday) I would be geared for success. I had the mindset, I had the motivation, I'd bought the things I needed and I was ready to go!  After a while this motivation would disappear and I would find myself in the drive thru getting a large sundae to deal with the fact I'm exhausted and disheartened. This downward spiral ...

I'll be happy when I move out of my parents house. I'll be happy when I get that job, no wait that one, oh wait no this other one. I'll be happy when I fit into this dress. I'll be happy when I finally learn to drive. I'll be happy when we move in together. I'll be happy... These are all things I've said to myself in an effort to convince myself that I would finally be able to live my dream life as soon as I achieved X. As you can see, X has many different forms. X can be an item, an achievement, a commitment, a person or a place. At one point I was so convinced if I moved to Tokyo I would happy. While on holiday in Tokyo I convinced myself I would be happy if I went back home and enrolled in a new bachelor degree. Safe to say all this 'goal digging' didn't leave me feeling satisfied. In fact, it did quite the opposite. I was left feeling emptier than I did before I started on this new quest. I don't want t...

A few months ago I decided to step outside of my comfort zone and invite my work friends and my best friend out for a weekend lunch. As someone that used to have crippling social anxiety this was a big step for me. What is Social Anxiety? Social Anxiety can make you feel like interacting with people is this intricate puzzle that you can never solve and results in your own embarrassment. It's this longing to be the person that can glide from conversation to conversation, but never having the right thing to say. As the anxiety builds you feel like every action you take makes you look, and therefore feel, awkward. It's a pretty isolating cycle.  The Mayo Clinic details the symptoms of social anxiety as: excessive fear of situations in which one may be judged, worry about embarrassment or humiliation or concern about offending someone. The Healing Power of Connection You'll hear me say this a lot on this blog, but the way I dealt with my anxieties was to face ...

I have always been a lover of a list. To-do list, cleaning list, books to read, holiday destinations, goals, dreams, Christmas card list and so on. I felt like if I could just get everything bouncing around in my head down on paper I could finally be that ultimate version of myself. Each birthday, new year, month I would write it all out and every time I would fail. Every time I would be frustrated with myself for not sticking to my plan of working down the list. I would be right back where I started determined to get it right this time.  Willpower and motivation are funny things. The American Psychological Association claimed that willpower is not something you can just summon, it's a resource. Like all other resources it's finite so when it runs out you need to build it back up again. Ever had a terrible day at work and before you know it you're hitting up McDonald's getting a McFlurry and a Large Mc Value meal? Yes, says literally everyone because this ha...

  I hate feeling fake. I hate acting like the perfect daughter that belongs to this perfect family. Special days like Christmas, Australia Day, Easter and even my birthday would really grind my gears. If we weren't happy the other days of the year, why did we have to pretend that we were just because the calendar said so. I hated the pageantry of it all.   As an adult that has long gone No Contact with her abusive parents the holidays feel...strange? I sometimes replay old patterns and slip back into survival mode, so a small part of me still dreads these days. In writing this blog, connecting with other adults that have survived traumatic childhoods and surrounding myself with love and happiness I've been trying hard to shut down the dread and embrace excitement. Focus on the Good Rather than thinking back to everything these days could have been, I'm looking towards the future. Getting together with my friends and having a laugh Spendin...

Fear. Everyone deals with it. Fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of a stranger  situation that just doesn't feel right. Fear is a natural reaction and it's there to ultimately keep us alert to danger. However, when fear moves from a safety response and becomes a everyday occurrence fear can become debilitating. Fear of their reaction, fear of the consequences, fear of that you'll get it wrong or make an irreversible mistake (the chances of you doing that, by the way, are so very slim). When we let these fears stop us from living our lives we call it anxiety. Anxiety keeps you from making that decision, wearing that outfit or chasing that dream. Social anxiety keeps you from spending time with loved ones and friends because you might embarrass yourself. It also stops you from speaking up in that meeting or advocating for yourself. When anxiety keeps you from doing the things you want to do the world is a pretty limiting place. Society anxiety used to gr...