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Retrain My Brain With YouTube - A Six Part Series - Day Four


I've set a goal. It's not a big goal or particularly difficult, but I have a habit of quitting what I try to start so I thought if I wrote it all down I would push through.

If you haven't read the previous parts of this series follow these links: Day one! Day two! Day Three!

I listen to a lot of positivity and self-motivational videos, talks and podcasts, but this video hit hard to home. I like to believe everyone is on a journey and I'm at this point in mine where I believe, like truly believe, I deserve happiness and success. I deserve to work hard at something and actually complete it. I deserve to not abandon a project once it starts going well because I'm afraid of success or don't feel I'm worthy of success.




So I made a commitment sitting on the floor of my office meditation/prayer room: I would listen to this video every day for 6 more days. I wanted to see if it would penetrate my consciousness and if the messages would ingrain themselves in my mind. I'll post my updates and may even do a vlog about my experience and how this impacts my soul journey.

Day Four - Tuesday:


Today has been a rough day mentally. I thrive off chaos and drama so when my life is going well I panic and unfortunately I often self sabotage. So I spent all my mental energy this morning stressing about money, my career, starting a family, travel. I wanted to quit my job. I wanted to run and explore and sit in the sun. As you can tell, I didn't listen to the video this morning and it took me a few...I'm ashamed to say hours, of me spiralling to remember that I'm meant to be showing gratitude.

Sitting in my workplaces prayer/ meditation room I just finished listening to it and I have to say - I feel more grounded. I feel more excited about life and I feel so thankful for everything I have and have already achieved.

Being mindful and showing gratitude is like training muscle. It takes constant practice and focus and this morning I feel like I fell off the wagon, but thankfully I was able to pick myself back up. I'm not saying the ability to bring yourself out of a spiral has to come from external means. Maybe you focus on your breathing, maybe you go for a walk and try to calm your mind. For me though, I like listening to the positive words of other people to remind me that it's all going to be okay.

As mentioned in the clip it's all about getting started and even if no one ever reads it, or if you all hate it, I'm still so glad I was able to put my anxiety aside and start. Writing has always been my flame and passion. It's what I turned to when I was a depressed adolescent and while the writing style has changed (no longer tales of love and high levels of angst haha) I still love the feeling of exploring my thoughts and sharing a story through writing.


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